One Day More

It's four in the morning.

I hate mornings. I'm not exactly up by choice, but seeing as I can't really sleep right now, the next logical thing to do is to eat a bowl of Rice Krispies and write an entry for a blog I haven't updated in months. That's my sleep-deprived, pregnant, nesting brain at its best for you. I'm scheduled to be induced in less than twenty-four hours, and I've decided that, along with cleaning out my fridge, scrubbing my bathroom, and dusting the far reaches of my house that nobody--least of all, our impending child--cares about, I should also write a blog.

Blergh.

I'm scheduled to have a baby in less than twenty-four hours.

It's this late in the game that I'm wondering if I've suffered from birth trauma. And I wonder if I've occasionally been having minor panic attacks. At this point, I've analyzed ALL of my weirdo behaviors and begun to question if maybe those times when I couldn't decipher whether I was hungry, thirsty, needed more oxygen, needed to go to the bathroom, was sick and going to puke, or whether I was just running out of space in my body were symptoms of something more than a normal pregnancy. Not that my first experience giving birth was extra horrible, or anything. I just think birth is a traumatic thing, and for some reason, I'm now realizing that it affected me in a somewhat rough manner, whether or not there's a diagnosis for me.

Of course, there comes a time when we have to set aside blame and accept that we've got to move on, regardless of excuses and diagnoses, however silly or legitimate they may be. When all is said and done, I'm still having a baby. Soon. And while I can rationalize my fears, look for ways to cope with them, try and ignore them, and pretend to put them off, I'm going to have to deal with them.

You know that for all my preparation, I haven't packed a bag yet? I've washed my shower curtain and the rugs in my house, but I haven't packed a bag or put the baby's car seat in the car. You know why?

Yeah, I don't, either.

But I've theorized. (It's four in the morning. Not even close to my first "four-in-the-morning" of this pregnancy. Of course I've theorized!)

This sounds silly. Read this at four in the morning . . . and it will still seem silly. Read this at four in the morning the day before you're about to have a baby. Then, and only then, will it begin to possibly, maybe make sense to you: If I pack the bags and put the seat in the car, I will be "ready" to have this baby. I'm not anywhere near "ready" to have this baby; therefore, I can neither pack the bags, nor place the seat in the car. It is this convoluted logic that has prompted me to construct one of the most comprehensive "TO DO:" lists of my life. I've crossed so many things off that list--"Change quilt on the bed" and "Trim toenails"--and still I can't pack a bag. I've added and crossed some items off the list: "Wash screen door window" and "Get bangs trimmed," and yet, the car seat sits in the back room until tomorrow.

I don't need a lecture on how babies come when they come, and these things should have been done a month ago, and what would happen if I went into labor before now? (The answer: I'd muddle my way through, it might get tense, but in the end, we'd survive--much like childbirth.) I don't even need someone to come to my house and do it for me. What I need is to accept that THIS IS HAPPENING. I'm not ever going to be truly ready. Some things will probably go well. Some things probably won't. But they'll go, they'll be done, and these details will be dwarfed by a much larger accomplishment and a new challenge.

I know I've done this before. Well-meaning individuals tell me this like it should quell my fears. They fail to account for the fact that at this point in my pregnancy, logic does not compute. I mean, I put it together in my head and then try and convert it from knowledge to peace of mind, and I get nothing. I know that I've done it before. That's part of what baffles me. With my first, I walked in calm enough the nurses said, "Honey, you're not in labor," then checked me and said "Oh! You're at an eight!" That doesn't change the fact that the closer I've gotten, the more vividly I've recalled the details and lay paralyzed by the fear of reliving them.

I've gotten through a day at a time. It's just that this next day is going to be a doozy.

Prayer helps, I think, for me. I mean, this has provided me with a classic example of exactly how the Bible Dictionary defines prayer: "The act by which the will of the Father and the will of the child are brought into correspondence with each other. . . . Blessings require some work or effort on our part before we can obtain them."

Yep. I haven't completely lost my anxieties. But I haven't died of hyperventilation yet, either. (Please, especially if you suffer from anxiety, panic attacks, etc., don't see this as flippant. I know it's a bit unrefined; I'm still working it out. Just understand that this is my way of dealing with my own experiences . . . somewhat . . . flippantly. *Sigh.* Sorry.)

But honestly, as days pass, I sense myself becoming more and more okay with things. All things. I add fewer things to my list. (Which could be that I'm accepting my house and all its faults, or that I've started to run out of things to do. Or maybe, a happy marriage of both.) I think I feel less need to distract myself from my impending doom. I did finally pull the car seat out of storage today, and I piled together all the things that Melody will need when she goes to grandma's. I still sort of see my life, like my one month calendar, ending with June, but I catch glimpses of the possibility of July. I'm not quite to the "It's the end of the world as we know it, and I feel fine," position, but I have at least been willing to concede the "as we know it."

So, tomorrow/Friday--which my scrambled brain has informed me is, indeed tomorrow, so my clarification is redundant (sorry, for some reason I thought they were different? Gotta get some sleep!)--I will pack my bags. I will put the car seat in the car, and I will have this baby. Not because I'm "ready" ("You see the quotations I'm making with my little claw hands?") and finally finished my "To Do:" list, but because I'm "ready" and I think I'm gonna make it through this, and really, what other option do I have? Then the world will continue on, and I still probably won't be able to sleep. Ain't life a kick in the head?

Write a blog post: Check!

From a Frugal Freshman

I just finished watching (at the time I began writing) the Democratic Debate. It contained the tell-tale signs of modern political debate: The unsubstantiatable boasting of a pre-school "My dad could beat up your dad" fight, the pomposity and disdain of an undergraduate philosophy class discussion on epistemology, the persistent one-upmanship in promising akin to my sisters vying for favorite aunt status, and the self-absorbed rambling described in Brian Regan's "Dinner Party" routine. That aside, one of the issues the candidates--especially Bernie Sanders--would like to use to appeal to younger (college-age) voters (and their parents), is that of affordable college tuition. Now, regardless of how you feel about the government financing the educational pursuits of Americans through their bachelors degrees, university tuition can be pricey. So, I thought I would share my experience of paying for college and some of the strategies that helped me graduate debt-free. This is meant as more of a way to help out current/future college students, but if it crosses the line into "I'm wonderful. Me, ME, ME!" then please just close your browser and pretend like that didn't just happen.

I recently took a campus tour of a college that I once had an interest in attending. (It wasn't out of my own interest that I went; I was accompanying my sister.) As we were riding in the amazing golf cart-limousine, our tour guide told us about how the university cared about its students, and that's why they offered jobs and other aids: "They want to get you out of here with as little debt as possible." Then he proceeded, in the very next breath, to explain, "That building houses the Jamba Juice--if that's important to you." And I thought, "HA!"

Because frequenting the Jamba Juice is not an effective way to limit your student debt.

But really, I hear a lot about how to spend less in college. And some of it is sound, but rarely do I hear the things that helped me most. So, here it is (after way more introduction than it deserves), my gift to you.

Your college preparation mentality should ideally begin way before you take that college tour. If you are serious about attending college someday, you should be planning that way with your grades, the way you spend your free time, and the way you spend your money from the beginning of your awkward little Freshman year. Parents, talk to your kids. Kids: talk to your parents. Who is responsible for footing the bill? Every family will be different, but with mine, my parents let me know that it would be my responsibility to be the number one contributor to my college fund. This affected my decisions. I knew I needed to study for scholarships and save for supplemental income. Whatever the terms of the agreement, both parties need to plan accordingly. If jobs and savings accounts are needed, get them started.

You don't necessarily need to be the school, work, then study late into the night with no hope of a social life kind of student when you're planning for college. I mean, I may not have had a social life, but I also had quite a bit of free time and I don't want you to get the idea that I was always studying, because I wasn't. However, when the opportunity to babysit arose, I took it--a while after some of my cohorts had to stop sitting because of their burgeoning social schedules. It can help to be willing to stoop a little lower to earn a few more bucks.

Equally important will be your expenditures. Do you really need it? As a penny-pinching maniac in a small town, I found little opportunity to spend my hard-earned money. My parents were providing me with the necessities of life, so large proportions of my earnings could be committed to my bank account. That was a wonderful time of my life.


Look for scholarships. They will save you mucho dinero. I didn't personally go for government aid, but if that's something that appeals to you, go for it. There are people and corporations that are interested in funding your ascension to becoming a contributing member of society--take advantage of that.

Quick note on scholarships offered by universities:
Some universities will offer scholarships with dollar amounts. Others offer "Full," "Half," or some fraction of the tuition-type scholarships. Some scholarships apply a full four years, but others apply only for one year and must be reapplied for later. Read the fine print. If you choose a school with a four year-dollar amount scholarship from what used to be a cheaper school, you could end up paying more than you would if you had attended a larger university on full tuition. I received the highest available scholarship as an incoming Freshman. Three years later, tuition hikes rendered my dollar-amount scholarship impotent. What once paid nearly all my tuition now paid just under half. I'm telling you: If you are offered "Full" and "Essentially full, but we spell it out in a dollar amount," take the first.

Plan to get a job. Part-time? Full-time? Selling alarm systems in the summer? Only you can say. If you've got scholarships, savings, or other supplemental income, you will probably be able to get by with part-time. At least for a while. I actually lived primarily off my savings and worked summers in my hometown at a grocery store for the first two and a half years of college. I felt a lot better once I found a part-time job, though--I was starting to run somewhat low on funds. Your ability to get a job will depend on your class schedule and course of study. Some rigorous majors may limit your ability to work many hours, and afternoon labs can complicate things, as well. Luckily, there are many campus jobs available for students. With jobs for early morning/late night cleaners, paper graders/teachers' aides, tutors, and groundskeepers, universities can be a good place of work for busy students. Food for thought: occasionally places that hire also look for volunteers. If you have time for a job but can't find one, consider volunteering. It will fill a gap in both your schedule and your resume, and could eventually lead to a job.

Once you've gotten into the "I'm going to college, and this is how I'm funding it" mindset, the school you select will have a HUGE impact on your money spent. Everyone looks for different things from their collegiate experience, but be honest with yourself. It may sound cool to have a highly ranked football team at your college, but if you aren't being recruited and wouldn't realistically attend any games then you may want to look for the aspects of the college that actually affect you personally. If you don't care about any of the myriad student services available, it will only frustrate you more to have your student fees go to funding them. For me, a small public university that was close enough to home that I could return as frequently as needed (yet far enough that moving out was practical and justified) was a good fit. By acknowledging what I actually wanted from my university experience I was able to avoid paying more for facilities that are admittedly awesome, but that I didn't need. Also, shop around and ask questions. As we toured the larger campus, I found myself making mental notes to tell my sister later: "They talked about [this resource] as though it was a big deal, but it's pretty standard on college campuses. Same with [another thing the university was proud of]: I had that at my alma mater, and it's considerably smaller." The community college may be a good starting off point--especially if you're unsure of a major. Don't cut out any options before giving them a fair chance.

You're looking for a place to live. The university tour guides told you that the social aspect of the dorms is unrivaled. I'm not social. I chose not to live on campus. I still found a social life. If I can do it, you can do it. Again, we all look for different benefits, but for me, living off campus and being able to prepare my own food instead of having to buy a meal plan was a better option--in large part because it was cheaper. You know what else is cheaper? Sharing. I mean, most of us would like our own space, but when you're willing to share a bathroom? Rent goes down. You live in the same room as someone else? Even cheaper.

I had my own room my first year out in what I thought was a pretty decent place for a decent price. Through the year I found a friend and discovered I could get cheaper rent by rooming with her in a complex a block over. The next year I once again hopped to a cheaper place in the neighborhood. Admittedly, I moved a lot during my four years of college, but each move saved me a bit more. By looking around, especially after you've grown familiar with an area and its housing situation, you may be able to find a better deal. Just as you should be willing to consider less-traditional options for your schooling, take inventory of all your living choices. It may be cheaper to live with a family member, in a large complex, a house full of students, or a spot just a block further from campus. Don't lock yourself into one spot or idea if you are truly searching for a good deal.

On your own, you can put into practice those money-saving habits you developed while still at home. I had a professor laugh because I hauled a peanut butter sandwich and an apple to his class every day for lunch one semester, but it was WAY cheaper than other convenient, pre-packaged options. Exercise control. Try not to eat out or buy unnecessary snack foods too often. Buy a few store brands. Limit your consumption of meat. Don't coupon.

This may seem counter-intuitive. In my experience, though (and I may be behind the curve on this one), in order to save money couponing, you must have more time, patience, and access to Sunday editions of the newspaper than most college students possess. Casual couponing only fooled me into thinking I was saving money--when I was using coupons to buy items that I didn't normally buy. I use a lot of store brands, and rarely do coupons lower the price of brand name items to the point that their prices are lower than those of store brands. By all means, use coupons for things you normally buy, or if you're looking to splurge on a treat, but remember to coupon with care!

With clothing and other "status" purchases, bear in mind that the college atmosphere is a bit different than you experienced in high school. On the average college campus, you will see everything from business suits to hoodies and pajamas. This knowledge makes it a lot easier to save money on clothes if you need to, because, honestly, there could be a girl who wears a cat tail pinned to the back of her jeans in your 1010 English class: At the university level, confidence is king and judgement sits in the backseat next to Rebecca Black. When I shopped (which was rarely), I found great deals at thrift stores and on clearance racks. Nobody cared.

Your needs may vary depending on your schedule and your location. If you attend a larger university, you may not need a car because public transportation or even free shuttle services for students will take you most places you need to go. If you choose to live off campus at a smaller college or university, a car could be a big help. My parents were kind enough to let me use a '96 Geo Prizm while I was at school. My sisters now mock this car. :( It wasn't fancy, but it only full-out died on me once. Maybe twice. I was very grateful to have it.

This next tidbit may not be for you. Especially because times change, technology changes, and I entered the university world a whole six years ago. I began and ended my time at school without ever having purchased a laptop. Admittedly, I married into one my Senior year, but until then, I was able to save a bit by using campus computers and occasionally relying on the kindness of roommates. Having a laptop is certainly convenient, but every campus will have computers available for use. Because I was usually able to get my computer-related homework done on campus before the library closed at midnight, I found I was able to squeak by without a laptop. Again, consider your circumstances and priorities.

I think I'm wrapping this up, here, but one more biggie before I do: Partying and Spring Break.

Now, you may have seen shirts declaring something along the lines of "I like to party. And by 'party,' I mean, read books." (If anyone wants to buy me one for Christmas [or, if you're honestly looking for ideas, this one that I can wear to family reunions and ward parties], that'd be awesome--because as you can tell after reading this post, I'm too cheap to buy snarky t-shirts for myself. But I digress!) If you can't tell, this was pretty much me in college. I mean, I went out and did things, but as far as attending crazy loud parties and dancing at bars--that's not my scene. And you know, I saved money not having to buy alcohol. If you do like to drink and party, just be aware that booze can cost you. Also, be aware that if you are partying within hearing range of my house too far past midnight, I will call the cops on you. That is all.

Except . . . that even if you don't go crazy on the weekends, you may still have the opportunity to spend money on social engagements. If you're a guy--or a break-with-tradition feminist--you may have dates to pay for. (Incidentally, this could be a despicable, but effective way to save money if you're a single woman!) You don't have to be tackily cheap to keep them from breaking the bank. Occasionally, through no fault of your own, you may find yourself in a restaurant. Drinking water is healthier and cheaper than getting a soft drink. Matinee showings are cheaper than later night movies. You know, these sorts of secrets abound on the internet. Find them and use them.

Your roommates may plan an awesome road trip to California for Spring Break. And you may decide, that at this time, your savings being what they are, you won't be going with them. It happens. And the world doesn't even end.

Basically, what I'm saying is, swear off of fun for four years and you'll be able to pay for college.



HA, NOT! Guys, I had an awesome time at college. If you don't believe me, feel free to Facebook-stalk my photos from 2009 to 2013 (Just kidding. Privacy settings, people!). I took some awesome (and fantastically well-planned and frugal) trips to the Grand Canyon, Vegas, and Salt Lake City, to name a convenient list of three. I'm not saying you can't do anything fun. I'm saying 1. Fun doesn't have to cost money. 2. Think about what you want from your college experience and don't pay for a lot of extras you don't want. 3. Prioritize. On occasion, you can spend a little more. It's when you start spending more on EVERYTHING that you'll run into problems. 4. You can graduate from college without having gone into debt. It is possible. Maybe this will help somebody. Maybe it won't. But you know what's awesome about my blog? It's free. Also, it's like a presidential debate: all about me, Me, ME!

Being around babies (and other myths about preparing for parenthood)

Something happened the other day that upset me. Really got me riled. So I'm endeavoring to right all wrongs with this entry.

Pfft. Actually, I'm just going to rant about it.

In recently discussing the birth of my daughter, someone asked me how my husband, Alex, has been with Melody. I answered quite truthfully that he has been wonderful with her. So sweet. Never a better dad, in my opinion. They responded with “Oh, that's great. I was just wondering because really, he hasn't spent a whole lot of time around babies, has he?”

Then somebody else chimed in helpfully: “Oh, no. So-and-so was more prepared to be a dad than Alex; he dated someone who had a baby.”

My issue here is not that I'm upset by the Alex/So-and-so comparison, but that my husband's parental readiness was called into question because he was being evaluated solely on the amount of time spent with children. I can't help but wonder how that works. Perhaps there's some sort of “Child-o-Meter” that tallies time with kids and exceeding a certain score somehow indicates level of preparedness? If so, do you get points for sitting next to kids in church and glaring at them in the supermarket when they scream? Are there triple rewards if a kid pukes on you? And really, what is this number? Have I passed it yet?

This must have been a most unfortunate system for Adam and Eve.

I'm used to being on the flip side: “As the oldest of such a big family, you'll be all set to have your own. You'll be a wonderful mom.” I appreciate that, I really do, but I still don't believe it—especially after having a baby. Preparation for good parenthood is not bestowed with the title of “oldest child” any more than it is given due to age, annual income, or number of times you've looked at a baby and thought that he or she looked cute. None of these things is necessarily indicative of how well you will hold up when you're tired and hungry, but you have to feed your baby first because she's hungry and screaming. None of these is guaranteed to show that you'll be willing to stick around when your wife's hormones are messed up, dinner's not ready, and the baby needs a diaper change. There are certain situations you can't be ready for, but emotional maturity and selflessness will go a long way to helping you to get up your courage and push through anyway. Those things are instilled not by time spent with children, but with effort and attention to improvement. Children may be an integral part of character development, or not. There are many ways to prepare for parenthood.

Alex is one of the sweetest, most kind-hearted people I know. His love, patience, and selflessness humble me. I have to try (yes, maybe this happens at our house occasionally . . . ) to get him to yell at me—and even then he is always the first to forgive. Sometimes he admits he's wrong when he's actually right, just to appease me. I knew he hadn't been around kids much when I married him, but I still picked him to be my husband because after seeing the way that he treated me, my family, and complete strangers, I knew that he had already been prepping to be a father. I may be the oldest of twelve children and I've changed many more diapers, but Alex outstrips my readiness for parenthood in the most significant ways.

So please, say what you may about other people, but my husband was ready for parenthood. And he's doing a bang-up job at it now, thanks.